missing someone

it's really hard when you are missing someone. it doesn't matter who you are missing, it might be a best friend or your own mother. i read somewhere that when you miss a person or missing something all you have to do is smile because that will take away what you are feeling. i've been smiling for a while. and i'm already tired now. hiding what i really feel. 

i miss home. i miss my mom. i miss my relatives. i miss my friends. i even miss the "taho guy" who passes by our place every morning. i've been here for almost 2 years now and this is the first time i will ever admit that i really do miss my so called life when i was still single. when i was still there in cebu. i am not complaining coz i am happy being married, its just that it's really different when you are in a foreign place. different environment. and no one to really talk to. well in the first place i chose to be a private person. i don't want anyone to really know how i feel. i don't want to be judge, i don't want other people to know i can be weak too. 

i am happy that i started posting blogs because in this way i can express what i am feeling and no one will care. i try everyday to be a change person but i always end up just the way i am. i tried but i guess i didn't try harder.

i want to shout to the world that i can be special like others. i want to tell the world that if it's ok to be me. i want to say things i never said. but i choose not to. i will remain silent. i am arguing now with myself. my mind is bugging me, my heart is beating fast. i should end this. 

changes

some changes has been happening for me and my family. 

1 is our network. true to the phrase, u cant have everything.. we decided to switch network.. from the expensive att to a cheaper simple mobile. we are excited to pay a lot cheaper for the next months but guess whats the catch.. i have no signal in some parts of the apt. good thing my husband has full bars at his work.

2 is i unlocked my phone. so i cant recv mms. what?! but i cant complain.. i must not complain. 

3 is we decided to rearrange our apt. its going quite (not sure about the spelling) well. but the place is a mess right now!!!! - thank God for the lower rent. now we don't have to transfer anywhere so we decided to make use of the apt. we want to call it home.. we want to put a homey feel. our touch, hopefully it will turn out well.. 

to be continued...

story.

I have this story. 
I find it so funny.
He said. She said. And that is that.
Misunderstandings.
Hurtful.
A cry.
He said. She said. And that is that.
Explanations.
Happiness.
A laughter.
Who would've thought.
He said. She said. And that is that.
The End. 

spice up your life!

God is spicing up our life.. i just thought about it awhile ago when i was talking to my mom. we we're discussing problems and heartaches.. and it just came to me that maybe God is spicing up our life. Because you see if you're at peace and you're not thinking of anything it's like the end of your life. I think that's the way to have a reason to live! a reason to fight. 

So every time a problem comes don't think it's a problem think of it as a challenge. Challenges makes us stronger and it makes us yearn to have a better future. We would want to live a life full of that, who wouldn't?

STUDYING

I started studying yesterday when zhoe was sleeping.. well not really studying the lesson but learning the strategies on how to answer the NCLEX-PN board exam. 

man, i realized i can't recall anything from way back when i was in school. it's completely gone.. all of it.. when i was trying to answer the sample questions i was just guessing all the answers.. guess i have to study everything all over again.. 

its really sad because if i were really serious in the first place about taking the board exam i would have really studied and kept everything in mind i would have passed the exam after i graduated.. well because i was too tired and too lazy to keep my promise to take the BE. well i can't blame anyone but myself. i just have to accept the fact that i have to start all over. 

i'm sure i will be able to recall if i just stay focus on my reading and hopefully have the guts to really take the exam and won't be stubborn to seek for help. i know it'll be long enough for me to accept that..

so for now.. i'll do what i love most.. READING! instead of fiction or romance novel, i'll be reading pn books, i think it'll be exciting.. 

PN

Well there goes my sign.. Thank you God. i will take my failure as a challenge. i know i can do it if it is your will. 


i also know that you know what is best for me. i will take it wholeheartedly. thanks Lord God, they said you won't get tired of listening, because i will never get tired of asking you to guide me. and beg you to be with me in my journey towards you.. 


you have given me this life to savor and make use of. but i think i haven't proven anything to you yet, i hope its not too late. 


Help me refresh my mind to the things i learned from way back when i was in school. if some people can do it i'll be able to do it too. 


i won't waste the chance my mom, brothers & husband has given me. i will make use of my time in a better way..


In this challenge.. i will not just do it for my family but i will do it for myself. so i can prove myself to you my God that i can do it. i will never feel pity to myself because you have created me well. 


thanks for the gift of life my God. You are our everything. 


i love you..  

job interview FAILED

failed!!! that is the word.. i had my chance but i blew it. oh well what can i do.. though i did have guts, i didn't get the glory after all!


i haven't felt so bad. i don't understand why i stammer every time i speak english.. if english was my first dialect i would have nailed that interview.. 


Maybe God has something else for me. i need to study my pn board exam. i would refresh my mind. hopefully it'll come naturally. 


give me the courage to stand up & still fight for whatever is left. to strive harder the next time.. 


though i failed this time. i still consider myself a good mother. 

job interview

i have a job interview tom. Jan 13, 2011 @ 10:30 am. I admit that i am really scared. i can't even sleep with a clear mind. i've been answering interview questions in my mind and everything went straight to how my life is right now. 

i'm not sure if i have forgiven the people that hurt me. i am not sure if i have forgotten the pain because it still affects me every time it crosses my mind. And it is not helping at all because it makes my heart hurt even more and that results to want to take revenge. Well not really literally.. it just makes me want to.

i just hope this job interview will turn out great. I will try my best and just leave it up to God. if this job is really meant for me everything will fall into place.